I'm just not feeling very spiritual today

You know, I'm just not feeling very spiritual today. For lots of reasons, I really want to post something. It seems to make my day go better when I do. I get more hits on my website, and it helps keep me in a good frame of mind. For you Harry Potter fans out there, this is kind of like my Pensieve. Each post is a silver thread that keeps my brain from getting too cluttered.

But, I'm just not feeling it today. It is Friday, and I have a lot of work to do and next week is going to be really busy. And real life seems to trump my spiritual life more often than not. Or does it...

Are they separate, or does one feed the other? Could I have the thoughts that I do and want to continue making this life have some kind of meaning if I didn't have a "reality" that is rich with drama? Would I care as much about getting my book published if it was just to get it in front of people? Or, is the very real need to want it to make money as strong, or even a stronger motivator?

As with so many questions, there is no one answer. Just as I cannot truly explain why one day, life, and its purpose, seems so clear and the next day, I feel as if it is such a struggle. Just like this post is so much harder to write than the last one. Does that mean that this one has less merit? I think in our lives, we continually find ourselves running at different levels. What makes for a good day or a bad day? If I knew the answer to that, I suppose I would find a way to always operate at my "highest" level. But is it totally under my control and should it be? More questions than answers, but something inside of me says that if it was just up to me, than the journey would not be quite as interesting.

But, I could be wrong, because I'm just not feeling very spiritual today...

The me nobody knows

Just came in from the car where I was listening to XM 28, On Broadway, my favorite satellite radio station. As I was turning off the car a song came on from a show I have never heard of, The Me Nobody Knows. I was struck by the title and it sent my mind off on a tangent.

I know that there are sides to me that nobody really knows and I suspect the same is true for many. Did you ever take the time to really think about how complicated we all are? Depending on your age, there is the soul of who we were as a child and whatever that taught us. We carry that along with us as we make the trek on to adulthood and the lessons we learn on that road. As we go along our way, all of what we have taken in is informing who we are now. Some of what shapes us we all share, such as an event like 9/11. But, even that gets processed inside our minds by whatever else has molded us along the way.

Is it possible to share all that with the outside world, even with those closest to us? Speaking just for me, I know that some parts of what makes me the person I am have trouble finding a place in my life. I’m not sure where this is heading, but to take it a step further, what is inside of us that we do not know about ourselves? Many go to therapy, support groups, or even take medication to cope with, or try to understand what makes us tick. The theme of this blog ties into this in the sense that there may be some things, a whole other reality(ies), that exists around us and shapes our day to day living and we might have not a clue. Spirits of those who came before us, energy vibrations from all the living things around us, angels, God…who knows what we share this universe with.

I guess the reason I bring this up is because since we don’t know and since it is possible that (here comes my Broadway obsession again) you never walk alone, we might want to take a beat before we respond to something, see if there is more that we can take in to inform our choices, our reactions, our decisions. Even if we never really palpably feel the presence of the spiritual world that may live around us, doesn’t mean that there are not forces at work that add another piece to our life’s puzzle.

Standing out of your own way

Hi…hope you're still out there. So sorry for the long absence, life tends to get busier in the transition from summer to fall. School begins again and work heats up after, what should be a slower summer, but rarely is. I’m not even going to pretend that I have tried to write any entries. Thoughts have skipped through my brain, and skipped out just as quickly. It is possible that my dreams about this book are beyond my meager talents, but I am really trying to follow the spirit of my book and have faith and remember that not only can I not control all aspects of my life, but it is probably more beneficial if I don’t.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but it is incredibly hard to stand out of your own way. I had an experience last week that proved to me, once again, that I need to allow life to unfold around me and not try so hard to make things fit the way I think they should. Finding the equilibrium between taking initiative and letting life flow is like walking across a razor blade…even when you keep your balance it can hurt like hell…but I really believe that the results can produce something so beyond what we could ever envision for ourselves, that it is worth the effort. It all comes back to deciding whether we truly believe there are forces at work that are outside of our true understanding. For me, it goes back to when I was younger and just had to comprehend the answers to the big questions before I died. At some point I had to acknowledge that it was just too awesome an undertaking and something that was probably not possible from a physical world perspective. I realized that what I really needed to focus on was how to live this life as best I could, always keeping in mind that there was a bigger picture. The absence of a true blueprint of what that bigger picture is, only adds to the wonder, and puzzlement, of it all. Hope that makes sense!

Well, I’m going to wrap it up for today. I’ve got lots of other things to work on. By the way, I’ve started sending my book out to agents again, so if anybody is reading, wish me luck and think happy thoughts.

Till later (hopefully not much later)