New Name?

Well, see here is the problem with naming a blog after a title of a book that is not published yet. The possiblitiy exists that you might want to change the book. Which is exactly what is happening to me now. For so long now, I have assumed the title of my book is Beyond a Lifetime. After going through so many titles, that one just seemed to fit. It described the key aspect of the book, that it took place in a time beyond a lifetime, and I thought it was attention grabbing. Well, it is said that if you are the creator of something, you should never get too attached to that creation. How that can be done, I don't know. It is like saying "that kid you helped concieve; don't fall in love with him.her." Sure, ask any parent how possible that is! But, the problem with falling in love with something is you lose objectivity about it. Well, that isn't entirely true. I mean, I can look at my daughters and see their faults, even though I love them. But, a living being is not the same type of creation is it? I can see my daughter's faults, but I cannot change them. I can encourage a change in behavior, but it is solely up to them what happens. And the older your children seem to get, they can view your encouragement as an unwelcome intrustion at best, or it can work against them wanting to make a change. Now, I have one teenager and one fresh out of her teens. So, this interplay between parent/child may change as both get older. For me at least, that remains to be seen.

But I digress. Recently, I shared the title with someone I had met. They liked the concept of the book, but thought the title worked against it. My wife, who was listening, said that she thought the same thing. So, I have begun revisiting the title. Doing this allows me to believe that this is the reason the book has not been published yet...because the title needed to be changed first. It remains to be seen if this will make the difference, but having waited so long for something to happen with this book, any excuse as to why it is not being read by every human being in the known universe is a welcome excuse. So, I have a list of possible names, but there appears to be a top two in my mind. Not that I expect any kind of response to a blog, but just in case, I am going to list them here and anyone can feel free to add their two cents. Since I no longer have a website that describes the novel, just let me know if either title makes you want to pick up a book with that on the cover. Without further adieu, here are the top two:

Life in Deathtime
Spirit

Okay, let the voting begin. All votes must be entered by 12:01 am PST by January 1 2010, or until the book is actually published. Let's hope the latter comes before the former.

Well, that is all for now. Life has been very interesting of late, but I don't feel like sharing right now. Check back for further updates.

Let's talk about death

Well, you've all waited long enough for a post, so I won't disappoint (as with all bloggers, I have images of scores of people queuing up outside my virtual door, even though common sense tells me that is not the case). I was just reading my last post, and while I found it interesting and even somewhat entertaining, it appears I have strayed from the original intent of this blog, which is to talk about death and what it means to those of us still living in our physical world.

So, here's the deal. I believe that we need to think about death more. Okay, it sounds depressing to ponder our demise, but it really isn't. I mean it's there for all of us, yet we avoid wondering about it. I don't mean worrying about the end, or what it will be like when we die. Well, that can be fun to do. I mean, I've invested a large chunk of my adulthood to writing a novel and thinking about what death might be like. (For anyone interested in reading some of my novel, Beyond a Lifetime, email me at iwrite1@cox.net to receive the first three chapters of the book).

No, what I mean is, for those of us inclined to think about our journey here and what the hell it's all about, not taking time to consider our supposed end is like not getting to the sum of an equation. And what makes this speculation better than math, is that there is no right answer. So, our imagination gets to fill in the blanks. The benefit in taking the mind time to speculate is to allow yourself to leave this lovely, but stressful, life we lead and ponder what we are connected to. I think it is so important to living a well rounded life.

I also believe that those that have passed are still here with us on some level. I think it is possible to develop a connection to the spirit world and that much can be gained from it. I will go further to say that I don't think it is just us, the living, that have something to discover. Not to stand on a soapbox, but I sense that having a better understanding, or at least making a concious decision to try and open our perspective on death, is a step in our development as a society. Think about it, if you believe that our souls, spirits, whatever you want to call them, carry on in some form after we die, then maybe whatever we go on to after we pass, is just another chapter. And you can't start reading a book and stop in the middle!

Taking the time to step outside your tactile world can offer benefits to your lifetime as well. Having a broader perspective allows you to take what life throws your way and see it from different angles. For example, someone close to me has had a chronic illness for some time. It is a hard situation to live with on so many levels, yet, because I believe as I do that there is more to this lifetime I live then just paying the bills, raising the kids, getting frustrated with the world around me, etc. I have an obligation to myself to try and understand why this is in my life and learn from it and, maybe the most important aspect, make peace with it. Because even when I try and gain insight, there is always the understanding that I am a human being and I will not know, or understand, everything.

Perhaps the most challenging part of all this is this acceptance that we are human, and that we continually grapple as spiritual beings living in a physical world. The temptation is always there to judge ourselves and the things that make us who we are. An understanding of the bigger picture hopefully can help us to be more tolerant of ourselves, while still striving to be better.

There is so much more to say. My mind is filled with the little things I do on a regular basis that keep me in touch with this larger existence. In future posts, I will talk about connecting to the natural world in easy, accessible ways. About how I journal with a spirit while questioning her existence most of the time. About how thinking about death has helped me live what I hope is a more meaningful life.

I am going to try and become better at posting here. I have said that before and failed miserably. If you like what you've read and want to know when I do the next post, email me at iwrite1@cox.net and I will let you know. And please post comments if you have them so we can enrich each other.

Thanks for reading.

Don't doubt it

A bit of stream of conciousness writing today…woke up and wondered what kind of day it was going to be today. Knowing that I have some control over that, I stayed in bed a bit longer and tried to clear my mind. Suddenly, I began to imagine a fairy entering my brain. The image came out of nowhere and the fairy was your typical Tinkerbell (disney version) variety. She entered through my ear and made her way through my head. She moved through areas of dark and shadow, which she told me were quite normal. It brings shading to our lives, she said, and helps illuminate the brighter areas. At one point, she came to a very dark, cloudy area, which she said was my doubt. She said that it was the greatest inhibitor in my life. Moments of happiness and sadness are normal, she said, but doubt is something that I invite into myself and only I can make it go away. She then lit up quite brightly and began to make the clouds of doubt depart. It was an interesting little mind movie to watch and I was most impressed with the fact that I allowed it to continue. So many times I will get flashes of images in my mind, but they seem to vanish when I apply my full concentration to them. I think my full concentration includes trying to interprete what I am seeing instead of actually just letting the images flash across my mind. This time, I chose to just view without commentary and it worked much better.

So, after it was gone, I then applied my reasoning to it and figured it was sent to, again, remind me that I am a wholly unique and intriguing human who has every right to walk this Earth and bring to it whatever I deem worthy. There will always be others who will judge my actions, but I should not be one of them. My role as a human is to create the life I am living, always realizing that I am an auteur who puts my own imprint on everything I do. I am purposely saying I and not we because, while I think that this applies to us all, who am I to say?

Besides it is nothing profound, but rather simple. I need to cherish myself because I am myself. I find the best thoughts are the ones that are most simple. Having Tinkerbell star in them is just icing on the cake.

Happy Spring

Hail everybody! I am back after a long winter’s hibernation. Here in Las Vegas, the trees began to bud a couple weeks ago and the weather has been incredibly nice. I know I am not alone in reveling in the season, but as I take my daily walks, I am awestruck anew with the colors and textures I see all around me. I find myself stopping to gaze at the birds perched in the trees and wondering if there is any way to let them know how much I enjoy their song and movements. The cycle of nature is truly an amazing mystery that takes place all around us as we go about our days.

I woke up today with the feeling that discoveries await me. every car I passed as I drove, every song on the radio, might be another hint along the path. Did you ever feel as if something was hovering around you, tapping you on the shoulder waiting for you to respond? I know, for me, it is hard to feel the rhythm of the Earth. Some days, I feel like it is intimately accessible and always will be. Then, the next day comes and contact is just the wisp of a memory. Knowing I held it within my grasp just the day before makes the lack of connection gnaw at my mind. Then, comes another day and whispers in my head tell me that this is how it has to be. Our souls encased in skin, trudging through a world everyday that, on the surface at least, does not always seem amenable to spiritual relationships. Is it any wonder that we can’t always feel the wonder that is all around us and within us as well? And are we supposed to?

Which brings us to the why of it all. Why are we here? Why is the world around us seemingly so crazy? Why can’t I find that other sock when I take my clothes out of the dryer? So many big questions that on a day to day basis are crowded out by the lives we all live within. Is it any wonder that we can’t always feel the cosmic conduit that runs through us all? I get down on myself all the time because I so often forget that there is a bigger picture to our lives. Maybe it is the same for you, and maybe its something else that causes you to doubt, to lose faith, to not feel that awesomeness that life is.

One of the reasons I stopped writing, I think, is because with blogging, as with any user generated content, you throw yourself out to the electronically connected world and your content is open to world wide scrutiny. Not that most of us have more than a few people consuming our musings. I wrote something a few months ago that was not interpreted the way I thought I was writing it. Maybe its because I make my living communicating through words, but it pierced through me at the time. As the moment passed, I told myself that part of the beauty of the Internet in general, is that collaborative part of the process. I bare what I want to share of my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and it can create a need to respond, which is really something. We spend most of our time walled off inside our selves, and with this little act, we attempt to poke our head out of the ground and commune with life. You can’t control what life decides to lob at you, which is what makes this high wire act we live everyday so damn amazing! Still, the interplay must have hurt me at some level. Which is why I revel in the fact that I am back again to share my thoughts even knowing that it might not be taken the way I imagined. Worse yet, for us digital narcissists, that it is not taken at all.

Well, time to put this post to bed. In the end, for me at least, it is the act of doing this and feeling whatever I feel from the words that is the most significant. I think that is because the interaction we have with ourselves is the most important communication of all. Family, spouses, friends, anonymous online visitors, ethereal guests, they all make our day more varied and offer us something to educate and inspire, but in the end, we are the embodiment of it all and we create the collage that is ME.

Happy Spring!

A test of faith

It’s time for a little experiment. Inside my mind, I struggle with how to have more of what I want in mine and my family’s life. We face our fair share of challenges, some of which seem very overwhelming. I suppose it is through these struggles that I try to find ways to keep a sense of hope. I also suppose that it keeps me striving to understand how I can better navigate my way through this life.

Which brings me to my experiment. As I zig and zag through my life, the one thing I feel I need to have, but have the most trouble hanging onto, is faith. It sounds so easy, to just believe that life is the way it is supposed to be and that we are co-creators in our journey, not the sole directors of it.

So, here is my test of faith. It is time to believe without proof of existence. Time to live life as if all I need is already here. Will this be easy? It hasn’t been so far. I have made this pledge to myself more times than I care to mention. Which is why I sit here in the dark at 4 in morning, writing this entry. Maybe this will keep me more honest, or at least give me the reminder that I have made this covenant with myself. I will try as hard as possible to post daily updates on what kind of changes this might make in my life. Hopefully, it will be interesting, because keeping the faith should not be boring!

So, here goes nothing…or everything. If your reading this entry, come back from time to time to see how things progress. It will be nice to know that someone is around to keep me honest.

Talk to you soon…

Behind the curtain

In a few weeks, my book is going to be published. I wish it was by a major publisher, but at this point I am the only one who has confidence enough to show it to the world. Actually, that is not entirely true, but nearing 50, if I can’t find someone else to pick up the bat, I have to swing for the bleachers myself.

I got another rejection letter today. Excuse the 20th century terminology, it was actually an e-mail. I really haven’t gotten that many for the book. Best guess is 20 tops. I stopped sending the book out a couple of years ago because a) I was getting the feeling that no one was taking the time to really read the queries I was sending out; b) my gut was telling me that I might be able to give it a better send off than today’s publishing world; and c) I hate rejection!

I know nothing about marketing. I consider myself pretty smart, fairly intuitive and creative, but selling is not my bag. Still, even though I have little ability and even less time, I just need to see if I can create enough buzz to have someone come to me and say they want to represent me. You see, I think I have a good product (maybe I am more into marketing then I realize, calling my life’s work a product). I think a story about a dead man who still has some growing up to do is interesting and I think I tell it with heart and even some wit. Now, I have fallen way to in love with my book to have any sense of perspective, but that could easily work in my favor as much as against it. We’ll see and if anyone is keeping up with this blog, they will see too.

When I read a book, I always wonder about the back story. What was the author’s journey like? I guess I am doing that here. As time goes by, maybe I will share more of the path that I have taken. It is actually a very interesting story, filled with pathos, humor, crises ( forgot the word for multiple crises…is that it?) lots of human drama. As I may have said here before, I am constantly amazed that we can get through a life where we don’t know what is coming next. I guess if we were better historians about our own lives, we might have a clue, but sometimes that takes away all the fun.

So, I’ve gotten used to not getting comments on any of this, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Feel free to share…

Shalom

I'm just not feeling very spiritual today

You know, I'm just not feeling very spiritual today. For lots of reasons, I really want to post something. It seems to make my day go better when I do. I get more hits on my website, and it helps keep me in a good frame of mind. For you Harry Potter fans out there, this is kind of like my Pensieve. Each post is a silver thread that keeps my brain from getting too cluttered.

But, I'm just not feeling it today. It is Friday, and I have a lot of work to do and next week is going to be really busy. And real life seems to trump my spiritual life more often than not. Or does it...

Are they separate, or does one feed the other? Could I have the thoughts that I do and want to continue making this life have some kind of meaning if I didn't have a "reality" that is rich with drama? Would I care as much about getting my book published if it was just to get it in front of people? Or, is the very real need to want it to make money as strong, or even a stronger motivator?

As with so many questions, there is no one answer. Just as I cannot truly explain why one day, life, and its purpose, seems so clear and the next day, I feel as if it is such a struggle. Just like this post is so much harder to write than the last one. Does that mean that this one has less merit? I think in our lives, we continually find ourselves running at different levels. What makes for a good day or a bad day? If I knew the answer to that, I suppose I would find a way to always operate at my "highest" level. But is it totally under my control and should it be? More questions than answers, but something inside of me says that if it was just up to me, than the journey would not be quite as interesting.

But, I could be wrong, because I'm just not feeling very spiritual today...